Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
