right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize