Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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