I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I want to walk on stilts...naked
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
