hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
