Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
