Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
