Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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