guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
