we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
