I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
