I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
