You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You ruined the universe
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
