I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
