There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
