So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
