At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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