Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
