I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
