There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
