Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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