My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize