She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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