I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize