Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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