I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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