Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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