You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
