Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
