I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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