tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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