I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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