I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
