belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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