life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
