By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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