if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
