i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
