She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
