I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
