yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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