remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize