He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
