listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
