my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
