fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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