I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
