No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
