Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
