Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
