Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
