Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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