Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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