covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
