you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
