she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
