You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
