His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't turn off my feet"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
