he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
