Already got asked if we're dating
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
