Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
