Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
