if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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