was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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