I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
