i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
